Make Indian Food

Cost: variable, depending on how well-stocked your cupboards are
Preparation Time: variable, depending on how much ingredient shopping needs to be done

Another foodie date?  I'm afraid so.  There are definitely some foods that are simply perfect for dates, since the cooking and food preparation time required are lengthy enough to allow you an ideal opportunity to talk with your date, while working alongside them.  And if you love ethnic food, especially Indian food, there's no excuse not to get cooking.
If you're a novice to Indian cooking for the American home kitchen, it's hard to know where to start.  Many cookbooks have a staggering list of ingredients, many of which you'd be hard pressed to find at your local grocery store, let alone an ethnic foods market (think "ghee" or "coriander leaf").  A good cookbook will translate these mysterious items into butter and cilantro, and you can breathe a sigh of relief and proceed with the curry and chutney.  My favorites for simple Indian recipes that will taste just as good as food from a fine restaurant are probably available at your local library or online.  First, Pushpesh Pant's superb India: The Cookbook is an exhaustive, photo-rich collection that includes every possible dish you could dream up.  The New York Times loves it, and so do I.  Second (and perhaps less intimidating) is Mark Bittman's (The Minimalist's) The Best Recipes in the World, which includes not only Indian cuisine but a host of other delicious recipes from around the globe.  The first choice will unquestionably include whatever it is you want to make; the second is much easier if you're just starting out and you don't have an Asian market nearby.
In either case, a good recipe to try out first is samosas, whether meat or vegetarian; they're hard to mess up and don't include too many ingredients.  Another winner is naan--bread is always cheap and not too spicy (even if you stuff it to make onion kulcha, my personal favorite from Bittman's book).
Just dive in; you'll be glad you did. Happy cooking!

Having Fun Isn't Hard When You've Got a Library Card

Cost: $0 (FREE)
Preparation Time: none

When I was a kid, I loved watching Arthur.  My favorite episode was the music video episode, which featured a great song called, "Having Fun Isn't Hard" (check out the link for the complete lyrics, unless you know them already, in which case I commend you).  And it's true!  When you've got a library card, you not only can have TONS of fun by your lonesome, but also with your frugally-minded date!
In addition to wandering through the aisles looking at books (make sure you check out the new book section, since there are often bestsellers and conversation-provoking nonfiction available), you can usually check out DVDs and CDs for free (often worth looking into, since some libraries actually stock decent, recent sort of stuff, not just "Fish Are Our Friends" documentaries and the Boston Pops).  Some libraries have free night classes for adults in various subjects and may occasionally host free movie nights.  Many libraries sponsor book clubs (sometimes with refreshments!) or even cultural performances from touring companies. Check out your local library's web site for more information or give them a call for advance planning.
Now, no date is complete without food, in my mind, and usually librarians are known to frown upon such things (read: break your kneecaps), but there's no saying you can't have an impromptu picnic on the library lawn.
Note: If you don't yet have a library card but want to get one, make sure that you bring your ID and proof of residency with you (a utility bill or other official piece of mail addressed to you at your current residence usually works).

Bonus: get your date (male or female!) to dress up like a sexy librarian.

Make Your Own Pretzels

Cost: $10 or less
Preparation Time: minimal (none, if you have the ingredients on hand)

Dear daters, here is one you'll return to again and again.  A cheap, fun date that ends with eating your own delicious hot from the oven homemade pretzels.  I was a little skeptical myself the first time my husband suggested making these, but completely converted once I tried them.  They're every bit as good as mall pretzels (but I would say better, since they're healthier and haven't been sitting under heat lamps for who knows how long).  They'll take a little time, so you'll have plenty of time to talk with your date and get to know them better.  The ingredients are cheap and the process is simple, so get twisted and boil and bake your way to pretzely perfection!

This recipe is originally from Food Network, contributed by Alton Brown.  I don't think this man will ever know how much happiness his pretzel recipe has brought into my life.

Note:  If you are skeptical, go ahead and just follow the recipe (it will make eight, and you will eat them in seconds).  If, however, you believe me, then double it!  You'll be glad you did.  Try different toppings on half, like cinnamon sugar! Yum.

Homemade Soft Pretzels Recipe

• 1 1/2 cups warm (110 to 115 degrees F) water
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 package active dry yeast
• 22 ounces all-purpose flour, approximately 4 1/2 cups
• 2 ounces unsalted butter, melted
• Vegetable oil, for pan
• 10 cups water
• 2/3 cup baking soda
• 1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water
• Pretzel salt (aka kosher salt)

Combine the water, sugar and kosher salt in the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Allow to sit for 5 minutes or until the mixture begins to foam. Add the flour and butter and, using the dough hook attachment, mix on low speed until well combined. Change to medium speed and knead until the dough is smooth and pulls away from the side of the bowl, approximately 4 to 5 minutes. Remove the dough from the bowl, clean the bowl and then oil it well with vegetable oil. Return the dough to the bowl, cover with plastic wrap and sit in a warm place for approximately 50 to 55 minutes or until the dough has doubled in size.


Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Line 2 half-sheet pans with parchment paper and lightly brush with the vegetable oil. Set aside.


Bring the 10 cups of water and the baking soda to a rolling boil in an 8-quart saucepan or roasting pan.

In the meantime, turn the dough out onto a slightly oiled work surface and divide into 8 equal pieces. Roll out each piece of dough into a 24-inch rope. Make a U-shape with the rope, holding the ends of the rope, cross them over each other and press onto the bottom of the U in order to form the shape of a pretzel. Place onto the parchment-lined half sheet pan.


Place the pretzels into the boiling water, 1 by 1, for 30 seconds. Remove them from the water using a large flat spatula. Return to the half sheet pan, brush the top of each pretzel with the beaten egg yolk and water mixture and sprinkle with the pretzel salt. Bake until dark golden brown in color, approximately 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack for at least 5 minutes before serving.

Line by Line

Cost: $0
Preparation Time: None

Here's a last-minute date idea perfect for those with a creative bent.  Grab a computer, ipad, or a sheet of paper and some pens.  You and your date will write a short story, taking turns writing sentences.  Decide on either a time limit or a page length so that you can get a feel for the pacing and when you'll need to be wrapping things up.

From there it's pretty simple. For example, let's say your date starts with the classic opener, "It was a dark and stormy night."  You wanting to take things on a slightly more wild ride, add, "The iguanas found themselves so depressed by the lugubrious evening that they found themselves plotting the murder of their freckle-faced owner, Harry B. Tottentrott." Or something like that.  Probably something much better than that, actually. Then your date will write a line, and so on.

It's best to work cooperatively rather than trying to force the story in the direction you originally saw it going.  Remember, you're creating something together, not having a competition to see who can metaphorically out-muscle your date.  If they want a gunfight, let them have it.  If you want twelve dozen orange carnations, well, work it in somehow, but don't get all selfish about what YOU want to happen.  One of the great things about this date, besides its frugality and last-minuteness, is the way that it really lets you into the inner workings of your date's mind.

This date is really fun for groups as well; work in pairs or in groups of four, then read everyone's stories aloud at the end of the night.

Example:  This is what my husband and I came up with.  We gave ourselves a time limit instead of a page length and the madness flowed forth.  (Note: your story may not be as dark or twisted or inclusive of shameless deus ex machina.  That's just how we roll.)

Dr. Meeker and Danica

When Dr. Meeker began operating on the shark that morning, he had never met a palm reader, nor even considered the possibility that he ever would. Now he sat in a small, cold room as dirty rain pitter-patted on the tall window like rancid gravy. He heard an audible click as Danica’s false eyelashes snapped open and closed over bloodshot eyes. There was something about her that shook him to the core, something unmistakably similar to the great quake of ’76.

“So…any ideas about what the grapefruit spoon with my initials engraved on it might signify?” he asked after a long silence. Seemingly ignoring his question, Danica pointed with a long, wrinkled finger toward a heart-shaped pitcher.

“Milk?” she offered. “Fresh from my goat not two hours ago.”

“Oh, thank you, but I have a sensitivity to the byproducts of hooved animals.” Seeing that he was getting nowhere and running short on time, Meeker pulled a .45 from his lab coat pocket and aimed it squarely at the old woman’s forehead. At first confident in having the upper hand, he was somewhat shaken when she pulled a bazooka from her brassiere and pointed it directly at his rather ample midsection.

            “Yes, I know exactly what the grapefruit spoon means, but I think it would be best to show you. If you know what I mean.” He didn’t.

            “All right lady; let’s lay our cards on the table.” Passing the bazooka to her pet gorilla she did, indeed, lay her cards out on the table. Seven of them, to be exact.

            The fish card fell first. Then the herring, then the red herring, then the pickled herring, then the Fountain of Youth, then the propeller-topped beanie, and last but not least the shrimp n’ grits.

“Though you brought my monkey into this world, she is more than able to take you out of it, so please put your gun away.” Since Danica had coughed up something that resembled a solution to Meeker’s problem, he lowered his weapon (albeit cautiously, since aforementioned primate was glaring in a manner not particularly suggestive of crumpets, tea, and chit-chat in the near future). “The instrument you found this morning inside that toothy beast was not a grapefruit spoon at all, nor were those letter your initials.”

“Um…do you know that because of the cards, or…”

“NO, I know it because I have seen the tool before—on the night it was presented to my first husband.” The gorilla’s eyes glowed an animatronic red as a clap of thunder startled Meeker into his seat. “But the cards did explain why the instrument has chosen you.” As soon as she spoke, Meeker realized that the jig was up; she knew everything, everything about his life as first mate on a whaling vessel, and now was the moment of truth. He knew he couldn’t out-muscle the gorilla, but he could keep away from her long enough for the drugs to kick in.

            “I understand you, Meeker,” she said softly, walking slowly around the table toward him, her dress fluttering gently around her cankles.

            “You know nothing about me,” he said, knowing he was very wrong even before he said it.

            “You’re just like my first husband,” she said (clap of thunder and all), “trying to atone for your youthful sins against the animal kingdom by caring for them in your later years.” She stopped her dramatic explanation as the gorilla hit the floor and began to snore loudly.  

            “Here’s how it works, Danica; you explain the grapefruit spoon, or the gorilla gets it,” said Meeker, raising a syringe menacingly.

            “Only the ghosts of those animals you slaughtered years ago can tell you what that is, but it is not a grapefruit spoon!”

            Suddenly, the howling, haunting sound of a thousand ghost whales filled the room, and the sound sounded like this: “Only yoooooooou, yooooooou foolish slaughterer, would ever confuuuuuuuuse an egg-spoon with a grapefruit spoooooooooooooooooooon!!!” Millions of ghost eggs began to fill the room, each hatching before Meeker’s unbelieving eyes.  Tiny ghost chicks began to shake their egg-teeth in a nightmarish dance around the doctor, who had been brought to his knees with horror and shame. The chicks grew into hens and entirely blocked Meeker’s view of the room, but he was certain that the window was directly behind him—as was his life on Earth.

            “And that’s just one example of the amazing work that documentary filmmaker Prianka Patel has done here at PETA,” the chirpy collegiate reporter exclaimed.

           

Messy, but Cultured (Paint Fight a la Pollock)

Cost: $10 (less if you have supplies on hand)
Preparation Time: 30 minutes (less if you have supplies on hand)

ART. What is art, really, and what does it mean to human civilization?  We won't discuss that here, other than to say, as Groucho Marx once did, "Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does." But we will tell you how to take your date on the most exciting art date they've ever been on, in the style of Jackson Pollock.


Step One: Learn a teeny tiny bit about Jackson Pollock (or a LOT, if you're interested in that sort of thing). Check out the very amazing Jackon Pollock Emulator. This will give you an idea of what you've going to be recreating.  Except instead of tidy digital craziness, you're going to be getting messy in the real world.


Step Two: Purchase (or locate around your house) several different colors of paint.  Acrylic and tempera would both work great.  You're looking for bold, bright color.  Find some marbles (about 3-5 per color of paint you're using).  Get some big pieces of butcher paper (think about 3 feet square, or whatever excites you). Grab some disposable plates, or, better yet, disposable bowls (again, one for each color of paint). Make sure you have a camera on hand.


Step Three: Call your date.  Tell them to wear clothes that they can RUIN (do not say, "clothes you can get messy," or you'll have a very angry post-date conversation about the difference between "messy" and "ruined" as I can attest to from personal experience).  Don't tell them anything else. Giggle to yourself.


Step Four: Lay out your butcher paper in a place that no one will mind getting covered in paint.  Pour some paint into each bowl or onto each plate.  Add 3-5 marbles to each.  Don your own ruinable garb.


Step Five: When your date arrives, explain that you'll be painting in the style of Jackson Pollock.  Grab those paint covered marbles and throw them, smear them, rub them, and roll them on your butcher paper.  Let your emotions be your guide.  Some high-energy (or, contrastingly, classical) music might set the mood for your masterpieces.  


Step Six: At some point, depending on how close you are to your date, start a paint fight (if you're concerned about toxins and still want to go forward with this part of the date, check to make sure your paint is eco-friendly and skin-safe).  This date works great for groups as well as couples (when paint is being slung, the more the merrier!).  Take pictures of your work.  Oh, and your paintings too.  Post-date, you can display these on your walls with evocative titles, like, "Two Wilderbeests Alongside Hilary Clinton."  No one will be able to argue with your artistic genius after this!

How to Show Your Date You Understand Her

Cost: $0 (assuming your date already owns a Jane Austen film)
Preparation Time: none

Would you like to show your date you like her?  That you respect her? Nay, that you LOVE her? 
Then you must do something truly terrible.  Something, dear reader, that will shock you to the core of your manliest manhood.  It will be frugal, of course, at least in the monetary sense; some would argue that this incredible gesture of everlasting love you are about to make will cost you your sanity (however, the author does not attempt to assist in matters of mental health, but solely those of the pocketbook).

What must you do, intrepid man of the dating type? What dreadful task must you undertake? How do you wow your woman?

Watch a Jane Austen film with your sweetheart.

Yes, the entire thing.

Really.

I know.  To you, a Jane Austen film is nothing more than the purest form of psychological torture: between two and six hours of women wearing ridiculous dresses weeping and sighing and discussing relationships, not to mention the subservient tailcoat-wearing fops that the ridiculous-dress-wearing women love (or hate, alternating several times during the course of the film).  If something like this were going down in real life, you would be smart enough to hightail it before the estrogen in the room caused mass hysteria.  Or retinal bleeding. Most heterosexual men would rather be forced to submit to Chinese water torture, or an entire Celine Dion CD, or an afternoon of scrapbooking, than actually have to watch Pride and Prejudice (even the two-hour version with Keira Knightly's bosoms to lessen the pain).  But here's why you should do it.

Women love Jane Austen films for many reasons, but one of the most important is their cathartic effect.  When a women watches Sense and Sensibility, for example, she immediately identifies herself with one of the principal characters, Marianne or Elinor, and as the film unfolds she experiences their emotional ups and downs with them.  Women think about the relationships in their lives, whether with family members or friends or enemies, a great deal.  Sometimes, these relationships are stressful, albeit beneficial, but women (being women) can't just duke it out in a fist fight to clear the air.  Instead, they seethe.  And watching a Jane Austen film, in which someone ELSE'S relationships come to a positive resolution, can be almost as good (at least for a little while) as having their OWN relationships work out. Life can often be an emotional whirlwind for a woman, and compressing all that emotion into a few hours of Regency period drama is very relaxing and allows pent-up frustrations to diminish.

"Can't she just watch that crap with her friends?" you ask.

Well, yes.  She can.  But when you watch a Jane Austen film with her, you are essentially saying, "Even though I don't understand all of the emotions that you go through, and even though I hate Hugh Grant, and his absurdly flowing hair, and his ridiculous confused expression, I am willing to work to understand and love you, just as those silly tailcoat-wearing fops try to understand their womenfolk."

You may be tempted to sigh loudly or tear your hair out by the fistfuls.  But just remember: a little Jane Austen goes a long way.  Having seen Persuasion once, you will probably not be forced to watch it again.  Your date will love you, and feel, somehow, that you understand her a little better than you did before.  Feel comforted, brave soul, in this knowledge:

Eventually Man Movie Night will come (think Iron Man 2, or Speed Racer), and then the tables will be turned.

(Note: the only acceptable answer to, "Don't you just LOVE Mr. Darcy?" is "Yes.  Yes, I do.")