Messy, but Cultured (Paint Fight a la Pollock)

Cost: $10 (less if you have supplies on hand)
Preparation Time: 30 minutes (less if you have supplies on hand)

ART. What is art, really, and what does it mean to human civilization?  We won't discuss that here, other than to say, as Groucho Marx once did, "Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does." But we will tell you how to take your date on the most exciting art date they've ever been on, in the style of Jackson Pollock.


Step One: Learn a teeny tiny bit about Jackson Pollock (or a LOT, if you're interested in that sort of thing). Check out the very amazing Jackon Pollock Emulator. This will give you an idea of what you've going to be recreating.  Except instead of tidy digital craziness, you're going to be getting messy in the real world.


Step Two: Purchase (or locate around your house) several different colors of paint.  Acrylic and tempera would both work great.  You're looking for bold, bright color.  Find some marbles (about 3-5 per color of paint you're using).  Get some big pieces of butcher paper (think about 3 feet square, or whatever excites you). Grab some disposable plates, or, better yet, disposable bowls (again, one for each color of paint). Make sure you have a camera on hand.


Step Three: Call your date.  Tell them to wear clothes that they can RUIN (do not say, "clothes you can get messy," or you'll have a very angry post-date conversation about the difference between "messy" and "ruined" as I can attest to from personal experience).  Don't tell them anything else. Giggle to yourself.


Step Four: Lay out your butcher paper in a place that no one will mind getting covered in paint.  Pour some paint into each bowl or onto each plate.  Add 3-5 marbles to each.  Don your own ruinable garb.


Step Five: When your date arrives, explain that you'll be painting in the style of Jackson Pollock.  Grab those paint covered marbles and throw them, smear them, rub them, and roll them on your butcher paper.  Let your emotions be your guide.  Some high-energy (or, contrastingly, classical) music might set the mood for your masterpieces.  


Step Six: At some point, depending on how close you are to your date, start a paint fight (if you're concerned about toxins and still want to go forward with this part of the date, check to make sure your paint is eco-friendly and skin-safe).  This date works great for groups as well as couples (when paint is being slung, the more the merrier!).  Take pictures of your work.  Oh, and your paintings too.  Post-date, you can display these on your walls with evocative titles, like, "Two Wilderbeests Alongside Hilary Clinton."  No one will be able to argue with your artistic genius after this!